When I ran across the prompt that inspired this post, it said to talk about a time that I failed. And I will be talking about failure, but failure in a different way. Failure is many different things to many different people. You and I are no exceptions to that.
Yes. We probably share the common notion of failure. However, we all feel failure – whether in that way, or in our own personal failures.
I’m going to be talking about a personal failure. One that happened quite recently.
You see, I was a full time college student. I had four classes, 15 credits and was a Game Design and Simulation major.
At first I was fine, I was ready to go. I was ready to tackle my classes with motivation and a clear mind and rock them. I was the only girl in my two major specific classes, so I – of course – wanted to be as good as the boys. But it wasn’t long before I fell behind. I promised myself over and over that I’d catch up – and I tried to. I would be lying if I said I was anywhere near it.
I just — couldn’t do it.
I’d had a mental break down before, due to stress from college. But a semester off fixed that, and this past autumn I was more than ready for the hustle and bustle that came with school. But once this spring semester started – well that was a whole other ordeal.
As the classes slipped by, and the assignments came and went, I fell more and more behind. Spring break came and went by in a flash, and I soon realized there was no hope in sight. I’ve never failed or dropped out of a class before. Only one time, in high school, when I dropped AP statistics. But never in college. Though, this time –
After weeks and weeks of compiling stress. After weeks and weeks of just hoping I’d be able to catch up – I made the decision. I talked to my mom – since my parents pay for my schooling – and she convinced me fully. I was gonna withdraw from the two classes and switch my major. It was only shortly before that I discovered my version of success. Only shortly before, I’d decided I wanted to make pins and buttons and cosplay at conventions for the rest of my life.
I had never known before what I wanted, and one day I had this epiphany and I never wanted to look back. So, slowly, I began to enjoy my classes less and less – along with just flat out not being able to catch up.
But this path way was entirely new and scary…and felt like giving up. I’m not usually the type for that. I normally try and muscle through it. Convince myself that I can – I did that with Statistics, Biology and Video Production. And I did that a lot in high school – more than I’d like to admit (I was a lazy high schooler, and had the worst senioritis, lol).
But to me, dropping those classes felt like the worst thing in the world. I was giving up, and that was awful. I’d let some classes get the best of me. I’d failed. So much money (about $700 in total) down the drain. But I hadn’t had the issues at first, though they didn’t take to happen. Maybe I knew all along that Game Design wasn’t for me. But – damn it all! – I was going to try.
I’d had a plan – and the timeline still follows for me graduating in the fall. But it wasn’t according to my original plan. But isn’t that just the way life works? But I’m happier this way – two classes,not as stressed. Psychology and Photography (and ironically the exact class I need for my new major) are easy peasy, for the most part.
By far, this is one of the things that brought me the biggest feeling of failure – and I almost didn’t graduate high school, because I skimped on my English stuff (brought my grade up by the end of the semester, though)! But something about dropping those classes, admitting defeat – it just struck a chord with me. I felt like I let down, not only myself, but my parents and my boyfriend as well.
It’s hasn’t been very long since I dropped, but that feeling of failure still lies with me. Even though my stress levels have dropped tremendously, and I’m working to start a business. It’s just one of those little failures, that probably end up helping you in the end.
As I said, failure is different for many people. Some people would have been like “whatever, it’s just a class.” Others probably wouldn’t have done it. But this is just one of my own little failures. Although, it is a good thing.
What’s something you feel you’ve failed in recently? Tell us below.
Thanks for Reading!